Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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