You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
