I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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