apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there's paper in my vomit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
