How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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