Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
