My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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