Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
