Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize