i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
