his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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