***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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