How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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