I wish I could teleport
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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