the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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