I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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