Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
