forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
