we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
