It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
