I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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