last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
