I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
