woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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