I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
