I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
