Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
