I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
