remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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