I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
