I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
