she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
