Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
