woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
