You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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