I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
