So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
