i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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