My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
