it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
