Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
