Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The best revenge is premature balding
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
