I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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