im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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