The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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