Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
