4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
