I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You smell like stripper and shame
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
