too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize