Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize