I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
