The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
