I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
