Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
