dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
