I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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