I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
