You smell like stripper and shame
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
