So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
