I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
