dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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