How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
