I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
