Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
