You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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