I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
