Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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