It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
