You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
