I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
