I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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