I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
