Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
