i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
