Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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