you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
