Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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