I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
