mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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