Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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