Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
